“You don’t have to make the leap to bombshell sex kitten all in one day,” says Sadie Allison, DHS, founder of and author of Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman’s Guide to Sexual Self-Pleasure. “Part of having a healthy sex life is learning your likes and dislikes, and with small steps you can begin to make these discoveries in an environment where you feel safe and confident.”
Whether you’re looking to make sex a bigger part of your relationship, spice up your marriage, or just get in touchwith the sensual side of yourself, we recommend trying one of these challenges a day for 30 days. Allison suggests getting a lover on board to help—”Having a partner to cheer you on and complete goals with you can be a great motivator,” she says—but that’s certainly not a requirement. Read on for 30 daily challenges that anyone can do for a hotter sex life.
DO IT ANYWHERE EXCEPT IN BED.
A little change of scenery can really spice things up. “Trying new spaces and places also pushes you to try new positions, which can lead to new sensations and orgasms,” says Allison. “Doing it in the car—or up against the car in the garage—is always hot. Standing up in the bedroom doorway is fun, and even the couch is perfect for doggie style.”
MAKE THINGS SLIPPERY.
Break out a bottle of lube—wetter is better. (We’re fans of Rodale’s organic lube.)
TRY A VIBRATOR DURING PARTNER SEX.
The added sensation will give you both a buzz. “Consider a small bullet if he may be intimidated by phallic ones or is new to toys,” says Allison. “Bullets can feel amazing both on your super-sensitive clitoris and labia, as well as his head, shaft, balls, and the base of his penis. And anyone’s nipples are game!” (Another option is this best-selling couples massager from Rodale’s that you can even control by remote.)
Lock the door and spend some alone time figuring out what turns you on. The best way to be a great lover is to first understand your own body—so get busy. (See what happened when one woman masturbated every day for a week.)
DON’T MAKE IT TIT-FOR-TAT.
Give your partner pleasure without expecting a thing in return. “It can be incredibly fulfilling to be completely giving,” says Allison. “Take turns giving and receiving. One night it’s all about giving—you ask your lover what he wants and give him three options. Then switch the next night. Giving each other three options takes the stress off of telling your lover what you want. Great for both of you and strengthens communication.”
DO IT WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON.
It’ll make the sex feel super urgent. “Dry-humping is a classic that never goes out of style,” says Allison. “This really gets the juices going and makes you feel like you’re in high school again. And if you two just have a lot of laughs doing it, then consider it a success because sex is supposed to be fun!”
WEAR HEELS TO BED.
You’ll feel like a vixen, trust us. As a matter of fact, any accessory or article of clothing that makes you feel super feminine could do the trick.
REENACT A SEX SCENE.
Together, the two of you can be stars of your favorite flick. Even if you can’t exactly replicate the hottest love scenes, you can surely have fun trying.
PLAY WITH YOUR FOOD.
“Anything sweet can be just what you need to start licking and sucking,” says Allison. “You can get very creative with candy, chocolate sauce, whipped cream, or one of my favorites—fresh crushed strawberries. Then after a good lick down, take it to the shower where you can wash each other off, slowly and erotically.”
SAY YOUR PARTNER’S NAME.
Whether it’s during the day or loudly during sex, it’ll be a turn-on! Using your partner’s name makes him feel like the very specific target of your desire.
LOOK BABE, NO HANDS.
Try turning each other on without using ’em! Your breasts, your hair, your mouth—they are all great substitutes.
WATCH PORN TOGETHER TO GET SOME IDEAS.
“Pick out a movie together so you’re both on board,” says Allison. “Conventional videos can be a turn-off for some women, so explore feminist porn sites, which make content with ladies in mind.”
TRY A LITTLE PDA.
Your hand on his leg under the table at a restaurant is a good place to start. Remember, foreplay starts even before you get to the bedroom.
DO EVERYTHING BUT INTERCOURSE.
Make it the only thing that’s off-limits. There’s no better way to build up desire and make sure you both really focus on foreplay.
TRY A QUICKIE.
Sometimes spontaneous is even better than slow. “The excitement of rushing though it can be enough to get him there in a flash,” says Allison. “Get the most out of your quickie by gazing hungrily at him. Kiss him passionately and tell him that you need to have him NOW.”
GET ON YOUR KNEES.
You’ll feel strangely powerful when your partner is standing up. You may be on your knees, but you’re in control of giving pleasure.
MAKE EYE CONTACT.
Let your confidence shine under your partner’s gaze. Really seeing him can be the most intimate part of sex.
Walk around in the buff and let your partner admire your body. What you may see as imperfections are actually beautiful to him, so do your best to let go of your inhibitions.
PLAN A THREESOME.
Enjoy casting it (and whether or not you actually go through with the threesome is up to you). “And don’t feel limited to only consider your girlfriends or his lady coworkers,” says Allison. “This hypothetical threesome isn’t just for his pleasure. If one of his gym buddies or old college friends would be on your roster, go ahead and tell him! This can be a helpful, fun way to clear the air about any outside-the-relationship attractions you both feel as well.”
Going for round two makes things doubly pleasurable. Even if you think you’re too tired, you may realize you’ve got a second wind.
Make a video that you can look at later for inspiration. Just be sure to keep it private!
GET TIED UP…OR TIE UP YOUR PARTNER.
Either way, the experience is intense! “The best part of mild bondage, aside from the thrilling sensation, is the opportunity to explore how much you trust each other,” says Allison. “Communication is key. Make sure to discuss it thoroughly beforehand, establish a safe word, and talk about any concerns or worries you may have. You can shop together for the perfect, comfy rope or cuffs, or DIY with one of his neckties or a pair of your tights.”
REMINISCE ABOUT SEX.
Talking about your favorite times together can only lead to more! “Sharing memories will help strengthen the bonds of your relationship and help rekindle your fire if you feel like it’s been flagging lately,” says Allison. “Don’t skimp on all the tasty details, and feel free to do some physical reenacting to jog his memory.”
LET HIM WATCH YOU MASTURBATE.
You’ll both be majorly excited, guaranteed. A woman who knows how to pleasure herself is a real turn-on.
TAKE A BATH TOGETHER (BUBBLES OPTIONAL).
Not only is it a chance to spend time in the buff together, it’s a great way to relax and open up the lines of communication. And if things do get a little dirty, Allison has some advice: “Use silicone-based lube as it’ll last longer under water.”
LET YOURSELF FANTASIZE.
Go ahead: Give yourself permission to go there during sex tonight. And don’t worry about being inauthentic—taking whatever turns you on and bringing it to your real life is a surefire way to create sparks. (May we suggest this Dare Me Pleasure Set from Rodale’s? There’s a reason it’s described as 50 shades of foreplay…)
FLIRT WITH A CUTE STRANGER.
This challenge is especially ideal if you’re already in a relationship. “Then bring home that newly inspired sexual energy and take your lover on a wild ride!” says Allison.
WEAR SOMETHING SEXY UNDER YOUR EVERYDAY OUTFIT.
Think of your lingerie as a secret that only you’ll know. “Doing this makes you feel sexy all day, and lets you look forward to returning home to your man,” says Allison. “Be sure to wear a skirt so he has easy access to your lovely body after you flash a peek of what you have on underneath.”
MASSAGE EACH OTHER (ADD SOME OIL TO MAKE IT REALLY SENSUAL).
“For an extra hot experience—literally!—use a scented massage oil candle,” suggests Allison. “You’ll have romantic mood lighting and warm, silky massage oil all in one. Be sure to massage all of your lover to find new erogenous zones. The back is a given, but you can work your hands everywhere from his scalp all the way down to the tips of his toes.”
GET YOUR BLOOD PUMPING.
Exercise together first to up your heart rate before you get it on. Not only does exercise release feel-good endorphins and get the blood pumping to all the right places, getting fit can make you feel more sexually desirable.